Words are not enough

and I have no excuse. I am sorry. I really am. I was slimy about it and I knew it, even as I lied through my teeth. You gave me a chance, but I took it and lied some more. I blew it. Sorry.

*****

An acquaintance of mine made an observation about me to someone else shortly after I got to know her.

"tgwttihs is a lonely girl". I laughed about it, but I knew she was right. The person whom she told it to agreed as well. I have many friends, sure. But it takes much much more for me to be comfortable with someone. There is always a measure of self reservedness. I am superficial when it comes to friends. Not in the kind of 'Oh darling, kiss kiss' way. I make friends easily. I am socially well adjusted, I get along with people, but my inner circle has always been like a game of temporal musical chairs. I don't lose my good friends, but its always the story of life getting in the way and with that the ebb and flow of human relationships.

Mainly because I've been a rolling stone ( difficult to imagine in a tiny Singapore) and everytime I plonk myself down in a new environment, the here and now take up all my energy. I've been here for so long, and have made firm friends in the university. But its time to move on . Maybe its the stress of the d*********. Maybe its the changing social dynamics within these few floors. I feel myself winding down again.

Slowing down. Getting ready for a rebirth somewhere else. A new life. Somewhere. I don't know where. The wanderlust grows stronger. Where will I go? What will I do?

I'm not very social these days as friends on msn will attest. I don't want to spend too much time chatting. If you want to find out how I am, a two liner will do. I really don't want to flit between windows everytime a new message pops up because it is disruptive. I will try to join you guys for social events, but I can't promise. I would like to, but I need to sit down and not have a life for now so I can have one later.

I hope you understand. See you on the other side.