I know I don't act or sound it, but I've been going through a bad patch recently. Not just with work, but with non academic distractions as well. And I feel resentful that my current commitments prevent me from pursuing my dreams, to realise them in a way I know I will be complete with it.

So in a nut shell, I'm screwed. I can't seem to get by each day thinking if only I could drop everything and run away. But then again, the realist in me starts shouting that I won't be happy if I really took off either. Nowhere to go, with half baked qualifications. Being broke sure as hell doesn't help. So I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place. So what am I to do? Plans to London are scrapped indefinately, just as well. Manuel emailed the other day saying that its 1deg there. And it's only November! I guess December will be even worse. It'll be a long cold december then.

I guess this is a demon only I can overcome. If only I had some help, but it seems to be a long and lonely road to recovery. I don't know how long it'll take and how I'll turn out at the end of it all. At least Z has told me that she'll be planning to camp overnight alot more after India. It's a good idea, for us to work together towards something tangible. Its probably alot like when Adie and I trained up for 2.4km run for IPPT during our college days. We'd run together, 2 not so fit and sporty slugs. She'd pace me when I was not up for it, and I would reciprocate on other days, making sure that no matter what, we'd get to our final destination at a timing that would ensure our pass. This whole dissertation write up business sounds alot like a long and lonely run, and I'm glad she asked me along for the run.

I'll be so glad when this week is over. No more meaningless assignments to do, and I can try to concentrate on the paper. I know I am capable of much better, but the events of the last few months has been taking its toll on me. I wake up in the morning drained, no matter how much sleep I had the night before. I guess all these have to be changed. I can't promise anything, but its high time i snapped out of my own little bubble world.